A Bible for the Modern Era

Looking at trends in Biblical translation these days, I'm beginning to think that Christians should learn Hebrew in self-defense.

Michelle Malkin reports on the "Today's New International Version of the Bible," which apparently has been infested by 45,000 linguistic and feminist edits that make up about 7% of the text. I'm not as interested in the event—post-modernist types have always been eviscerating the Bible, and they won't stop any time soon—as I am in the response of blogger Teflon, who takes this trend to its natural conclusion:

Aren't the Ten Commandments too unhip?

Why not make them a little more 21st century, a Generation Y translation if you will:

1. I am the cool mack daddy of the dope hype flow. Give me props and mad respect.
2. Don't be kneeling for some bling bling.
3. Don't be throwing my name around, be it J. Hovah or Yah Diddy.
4. Yo, Sunday is "funday", ya dig?
5. Respect your moms, your pops, or whoever it was raised you, unless they whack.
6. Thou shalt not bust a cap in someone's [***].
7. Don't be running around on people like they don't know.
8. No five-finger discounts.
9. Don't front.
10. If your neighbor's got a fly crib or a pimped-out set of wheels, that's they bidness, not yours.

The point he's making, I think, is that exalted language has value, even if it is unfamiliar to new readers. As they become familiar with the text, readers learn to rejoice in the flowing poetry of the words, particularly if you read the original Hebrew. As Shepherd Book says in the defunct TV show Firefly: "You're not supposed to change it... it's supposed to change you."